Thoughts on Raising a Daughter (repost)

I'm reposting Thoughts on bullying and raising a daughter from last fall. Yesterday I listened to "Girls and Gears with Danielle Musto" on Mountain Bike Radio. In this episode she interviewed endurance racer Sonya (sounds like lasagna) Looney. While neither of them touched on the subject of bullying, they both recalled feeling out-of-place as young girls and emphasized how mountain biking and the community of cyclists changed their lives for the better.

I also watched a clip of the newly released "Singletrack High" that featured the women that race on the high school mountain bike team. Here's a clip:


Singletrack High - Sisters Who Shred from Pedal Born Pictures on Vimeo.

These testimonies speak to the desire of girls and women to be something more. There is a community of women who long for the opportunity to show independence, strength, and endurance. We aren't afraid of doing something hard, getting dirty or beat up.

Sometimes the soccer team, the orchestra, or science club just aren't enough. Sometimes a girl needs to be in the wild with nothing more than the strength of her body and determination to see herself through.

Thoughts on bullying and raising a daughter . . . (10/19/12)

This week I took my daughter out of school for a day of mountain biking. There's the obvious reason for this: riding single track is the awesomest. But there are underlying, significant reasons for encouraging my daughter to mountain bike and allowing her to miss school.

I'm not that old that I don't remember what it's like to be a kid. I remember school being everything. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like after I finished school. Almost all of my activities revolved around it: being on the school newspaper, sports teams, and choir. All of my friends were a part of that school community. And as kids do, I was labeled. Everyone was. Some kids had it better than others. No matter what 'label' you received, it followed you. It was oppressive. But you could always go home for a short reprieve.

For a lot of kids, school is their main, possibly only community. With the advent of social media and its penetrating waves into our homes and pockets it now gives that community 24/7 access into our lives. Bullying doesn't stay at school anymore, it follows kids every where they go.

Reading sad and frightening stories of bullying in school and the tragic results recently in the news has me on guard as a parent. I worry for my children.

Unfortunately I cannot protect them from every mean and hurtful action that they will undoubtedly experience.

What I can do is try to provide them with the tools they will need to deal with those situations and, if nothing else, give them a brief escape. I can encourage and provide them with opportunities to build their self-confidence. I can help them discover that they are so much more than what their peers label them as. I can expose them to communities outside of school: communities of strong, confident and positive people. And while education is very important, school in itself is not everything.

The other night Snoose was crying while telling me about being teased by her classmates. I wish I could steal that moment away, but I can't. So I asked Snoose to tell me about the time she raced at Pando. What does she feel when she thinks about that moment? What about the time she conquered the log piles at Fort Custer?

She said she was so proud of herself, it made her happy!

I told her to remember those moments because it will help remind her of who she is: a strong, persevering, and capable person and not what someone else tells her.

The Refresher Run

Anyone that has done a training program knows there are all kinds of running workouts: The long run, The Progressive run, A Hilly Run, FARTLEKS, Yasso 800's, the Recovery Run, and on and on. Thus is the contents of my weekly running regime. However, this season I have the privilege of participating in a twice-weekly run that has been dubbed the Refresher Run.

Me at Bigfoot Snow Show race in Traverse City.

Running is a pain.

At an early age my daughter asked to go running with me. My response was Lace up, let's go!

About a half block from home, Sage was smacked in the face with the reality of what running truly is: your body in distress. Feet pounding pavement, rapidly beating heart, gasping for breath, side stitches. We've all experienced the suffering that is running. Children do not have a filter and Sage made it clear that she was uncomfortable. Neither of us enjoyed our night and neither of us did much running. And this happened every. single. time. The complaining would start and we'd turn around, both of us frustrated and often defeated.

The Refresher Run

Sage and I running a 1-Mile Fun Run in 2010 

This fall Sage asked to go running with me again. As always, I agreed. I had little hope for a positive outcome, but we forged ahead. We strapped on headlamps and set out. Sage planned the route, an ambitious 1.5 mile loop.

My anxiety kicked up as Sage set the pace. Phrases of encouragement, more for my own reassurance than anything, poured out "This is your run. Go your pace, we can walk when you want to. It's just nice spending time together!" 

Sage jogged, chirping and buzzing about every detail of her day. Each block a new, happy story recalled. It was surprisingly pleasant.

And then it happened. Sage complained about her legs being tired—the start of what I knew was going to be a very bad ending to this run.

I downplayed the impending doom. After I offered to walk a little bit I said "Sometimes when you start running, your legs aren't used to it and it can be uncomfortable—especially after sitting all day in school. It's nice to go out for a run to refresh your legs. Before you know it, it feels kind of nice to be out and moving." 

Sage runs with her dad too! (Sage at 3 years)

Sage thought about it and kept jogging. For the first time she ran the entire 1.5 mile loop without a walking break and without a melt down.

Two days later she wanted to run again. And then we did the same thing the following week. And the week after that. Each run a pleasant time of sharing stories and bonding.

Last week Sage asked me when our next Refresher Run would be. Refresher Run? Mom, you know, to refresh our legs? Our Refresher Run!

It took me a while to recall that conversation from weeks earlier. Sage is right in calling it the Refresher Run. Running together is a time of resetting our mother/daughter relationship. It's spending time outdoors and breathing in fresh air. It's one of the things I look most forward to each week, and I know she does too.

Thoughts on bullying, mountain biking, and raising a daughter.

This week I took my daughter out of school for a day of mountain biking. There's the obvious reason for this: riding single track is the awesomest. But there are underlying, significant reasons for encouraging my daughter to mountain bike and allowing her to miss a day of school.

I'm not that old that I don't remember what it's like to be a kid. I remember school being everything. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like after I finished school. Almost all of my activities revolved around it: being on the school newspaper, sports teams, choir. My friends were all from that school community.

And as kids do, I was labeled. Everyone was. Some kids had it better than others. No matter what 'label' you received, it followed you. It was oppressive. But you could always go home for a short reprieve.

For most kids, school is their main, possibly only community. With the advent of social media and its penetrating waves into our homes and our pockets it now gives people 24/7 access into their lives. Bullying doesn't stay at school anymore, it follows them every where they go.

Reading sad and frightening stories of bullying in school and the tragic results in the news has me on guard as a parent. I worry for my children.

Unfortunately, I cannot protect them from every mean and hurtful action that they will undoubtedly experience.

What I can do is try to provide them with the tools they will need to deal with those situations and, if nothing else, give them a brief escape. I can encourage and provide them with opportunities to build their self-confidence. I can help them discover that they are so much more than what their peers label them as. I can expose them to communities outside of school: communities of strong, confident and positive people. And while education is very important, school in itself is not everything.

The other night Snoose was crying while telling me about being teased by her classmates. I wish I could steal that moment away, but I can't. So I asked Snoose to tell me about the time she raced at Pando. What does she feel when she thinks about that moment? What about the time she conquered the log piles at Fort Custer?

She said she was so proud of herself, it made her happy!

I told her to remember those moments because it will help remind her of who she is: a strong, persevering, and capable person and not what someone else tells her.

Somethin' Right

Most days I feel completely lost as a parent. Other days I feel like a failure. But, there's brief moments where I feel like maybe something, just something might be going okay.

For the last 2 years, the one pictured on the right would complain and cry and stomp over whatever was for dinner. It didn't matter if it was spaghetti or chicken or something she loved a week earlier: that day she hated it! Ugh.

Sick of being a made-to-order chef and dealing with the tantrums, I decided to put the responsibility back on the Kids. Hah! Hahahahahahahaha!

Now, every Sunday night the kids, yes, even the 2 year old, have to contribute to the meal planning. Everyone is responsible for planning one meal a week. To make it fair, we draw days of the week. The day you draw is the night of your meal. There is a structure to the meal planning that includes a main dish and two servings of veggies.

When I started this, I thought we'd end up eating Pizza and French Toast every night. Turns out I was wrong pleasantly surprised.

Two months in and the system is still going strong and very popular with the kids. One of my daughter's favorite meals is a Giant Salad topped with sunflower seeds and dijon vinaigrette and a half sandwich on the side.

My son alternates between Oviolees (ravioli), Sloppy O's (bbq sandwiches), or mac and cheese. For sides its either broccoli and cauliflower or green beans or even a small salad.

And in case you are wondering how we fit in our vegetables on a night the kids pick pancakes, chocolate oatmeal or french toast--we do Green Smoothies.

Happy Friday.