Peak2Peak and Stravanxiety

I cannot believe it will be race-time in just a few days. It's hard to say whether or not I'm looking forward to it. It's supposed to be raining and 50 degrees: that part I'm okay with. In fact, it adds to the 'fun' factor.

However,
I always feel like a fish-out-of-water at races. I don't do the group rides, I don't do that much riding to begin with, and I don't go to many races. I hit a couple in the spring and this fall I'm just doing two: Peak2Peak and Iceman.

Plus I work at home in our basement and Chad works a lot too—basically, it all adds up to any time I'm around people I feel out of place.

I haven't raced since early June. I'm wondering if I have a pair of race-legs to pull out of my closet for Saturday or if its been so long that nothing is going to fit but a pair of old baggy sweatpants.

The only way to find out is to show up and ride my guts out!

Stravanxiety

Those of us lurking in the mountain biking blogosphere are familiar with a new term: stava**hole. I don't have that issue, I have another one that may be slightly related, stravanxiety.

stravanxiety: the stress and/or anxiety induced by a fear that one's training log is insufficient.

I opened a Strava account because I like the user-friendly interface and the "segment" feature. I can easily track sections or complete routes to guage my progress. It's great. And then people started following me and I started following them and before I knew it, my "Dashboard" was filled with other peoples rides. And they ride a lot. And fast. And for a lot of miles.

I started to feel the cold, long-reaching fingers of anxiety begin take its grip on me. I'm not riding enough! Or far enough! Or fast enought! Aghhhh! 

This has happened to me before. I'm a follower by nature. I want to fit in and keep up. Early in my racing days I rolled with a group that took riding and racing seriously. Not that there's nothing wrong with that. But its not for me.

My "ah-ha!" moment was when I spent a Saturday morning, my toddler pulling on my leg wanting to play but not being able to because instead I was on the phone (for over an hour) getting yelled at because I didn't perform to someone else's expectations. And here I thought we were just having fun . . .

After that I purposefully changed my attitude and approach, among other things, towards mountain biking and racing. It's my Happy Place, a sacred space. Life is filled with too much stress as it is, riding is my escape.

I know that it is not Strava's fault for my case of stravanxiety. It's my own insecurity. However, in order to protect myself and my Happy Place I've started limiting my Strava exposure.